I was scared for a long time that the way I experienced life was far from the borders of “reality”, but only close enough to it to be able to blend in (Since there’s no possible way to see how other people see things). I was scared that the logic I have formulated and used to make decisions has been altered drastically by events that I reacted to in ways unknowingly and have now scared my sense of being. But now, I sit knowing, that it’s literally the case for almost everyone. We’re so freakishly fragile.
Now I don’t know what’s scarier; being trapped in this fragile dome of accumulated “logic”, or not being in it at all. See, yes trees’ beauty seize to amaze my eyes in that state, and the simplest task that uses the accuracy of my hand-eye co-ordination leaves twinkles in my eyes as I think “how obscurely alien are human hands”. But, how does one control whether it’s there or not. There’s not a switch on the side of one’s head labeled: “memory and tolerance to abnormalities on” and “memory and tolerance to abnormalities off”. And no, if all we did with our lives was sit outside and play with leaves that wouldn’t be a problem, but life isn’t that simple.
Having created this dome of desensitization while growing, wasn’t only to deal with the things we saw around us. We develop social skills using it. We build relationships with the people around us using it. We learn to know and respect the way our own minds work using it.
So, when you start removing yourself at given moments, it starts happening at times that are not in your control. Accumulating questions about people you know and situations that revolve around your guard that has been let down. Things at the top of my list of disturbing experiences are thanks to it.
To explain that simply: This dome we speak of can maybe be called your instincts (Because they are your method of survival). When you start removing yourself from this, your defense strategy is withered, leaving you vulnerable. Simply because your brain can see something that you have grown accustomed to for years for the obscurity it really holds.
So does removing yourself from that bracket mean that you are in actual fact no longer human in that state? Or can it be controlled in a way that means you decide what the bracket entails? Where things are seen through new informative eyes but logical defense mechanisms are still put in order. Balance…