Over the last few years meditation has become a significant pillar in my life. It is responsible for a great deal of who I am and what I make of myself. I’ve decided to use this as a platform to document some of my experiences that i consider worth documenting. I will start with a journal entry i made a few years ago describing one of the first times I ever managed to meditate successfully.
“There was a sense of fear as i let what seemed much like vague dreams take over my waken state. The darkness was filled with shapes and patterns and imagery, mostly chaos. I was sucked into an overwhelming space and there was a very distinct moment where I had to decide whether or not to resist the sensation. I let it take me. As i was consumed I soon realized that I was nestled deeply in a warm dark crevasse. My mind lead me to believing it was inside the bark of a tree. I could feel that my face had lost all its characteristics, like i had taken form of something that had no physical attributes, but i was still me. I managed to look upwards and had an overwhelming awareness of my ability to make change. To alter things around me in any way i wanted. I think this is what enlightenment feels like. I can trigger transformation, I am powerful. The exhilaration I felt in the moment seemed to be glowing from me and I felt these blue and yellow vein-like stems similar to pipes or snakes emerge from bellow and envelop me. They stretched above me and connected to what I could now feel was definitely a tree. Not only feel, but see. It was like a lucid dream, all happening so vividly in front of me. I could lift my arms now and move things around me without touching them. It felt like there were bursts of energy erupting from the center of my hands. All i needed to do was clench my stomach slightly and imagine it happening a millisecond before it happened. I can change the world. I can control the universe, it all exists inside me. Unworldly power is so unrecognized and so often taken for granted.”
When looking at the entry now I’m forced to challenge whether or not this can be considered meditation or maybe even an out of body experience of sort. It seems far too busy and perhaps too visually stimulating to be considered a true state of stillness and calamity. My knowledge of such practice is not quite up to scratch but I believe there is a lot of value in playing it by ear. Find a still place and let whatever happens happen. I strongly believe that there is a vital importance to allowing your thoughts to let go; an ultimate level of fearlessness. Embrace the void or whatever. It can change your life.