Improvement is a word best used to describe progress. But I have a story to tell, one that’s based on backward progression. Though, observing the improvement, or lack thereof, is relative to you as the observer. As of course everything is relative. Wealth is relative, peace is relative, time is relative.
Being trapped in this neverending spiral of relativity leaves you one choice that you are entirely in control of making: be the master of your own mind. Out of all the things you experience as possessions, it may be the only thing the universe has truley given you to posses.
I’d like to start at the end of the story…
In the beginning, everything possible of ever being, lay in the surrounding scopes of vision, as a harmonious sight of absolutely nothing. Since “then”, nothing has ever changed, except the way in which you choose to see it. Everything has changed in relativity to you.
I lay there devastated by the acquaintance of the idea that this moment is not gone forever. I became familiar with the idea that the depth of a single “moment” can never truly end.
I laid there for eternities. Lifetimes flew by me. I began to cry. Not tears of happiness or sadness, tears that fell heavily in reaction to the sight of such overwhelming exquisiteness. Why was everyone running faster and faster the more they grew? What are they even chasing? I experienced the void, something I had written about in many poems and other bodies of unmotivated text but never really fully understood until that moment. It was a space aposing all logic we had formed around colour and light, it aposed all sense of matter, through being so much more delicately complex and infinite, indescribable. The most emotionally tender observation I made was that I have been in that space before. I have been in that space this whole time. I was there before I was born and will be there once I have died. The way I have come to know my wordly self was and remains a figment of my imagination. Life as we think we know it is just a narrow strip of self-generated complications that we chose to embody, sculpt and embrace as reality. Everything we know, love, hate, encounter and experience is just a chemically fueled illusion. The void presents us with the ability to shift the narrow strip, and manipulate it however we chose.
After having traveled to Amsterdam with my significant other two years prior I collaborated this text with an artwork I made him a short while after. It was documentation of my experience that took place in a tiny underground bed and breakfast room, lying on the bed in total darkness for hours. I can honestly say the experience changed my life, and it’s been difficult trying to communicate the majesty to anyone. The mental obstacles I was facing and books I was reading leading up to that time happened to have prepared me for what I experienced, and because of this I am thankful. Not being entirely certain who or what I am thanking, but nevertheless, thankful.